patrick-vaughn-stump:

REMEMBER WHEN I CALLED PATRICK KIDDO

Rainy Days

Rainy days remind me
Of days spent alone
Wrapped up in a blanket
Staring blankly at my phone

Rainy days control me
Mind, emotion, mood
When the cold devours me
Nothing ever feels as good

Rainy days renew me
Wash me with your tears
Comfort me with thunder
Like you’ve had throughout the years

Just a Little

A little attention is
All I ask
Just the slightest assurance
That my words reach your ears
I don’t have to expect a reply

A little concern, well I
Just might add
A few “Hello, how are you“‘s
To tell me I’m not yet,
Not really, not tot’lly forgotten

A little love but, maybe
That’s too much
For someone like me to ask
Still, I take my chances
Still, I take the risks of telling you

A little attention,
A little concern,
And a little bit of love will do

Always

Rarely I find
Someone who’s worth loving
But whenever I do
I love her in hiding

Sometimes I make
The wrongest of choices
But life never fails to
Give me second chances

Often I wake
With less joy and more sadness
Though often I’m trying
To seem less like a mess

Always, I’m like this
Coward, foolish, and strange
But e’er since I loved you
Always, I try to change

Long Ago

Long ago I thought she was the one for me
And I thought you were an amazing friend
Long ago I loved her so
And played her songs you made me listen

Long ago I was a coward who
Never fought for what I felt
Long ago those times I wanted to be with her
Were moments I just settled to spend with you

Long ago she broke my heart when I
Loved her in secret yet she chose him for the world to see
Long ago you lent me your beautiful world
Printed on crisp pages, for me to forget the pain

Long ago she was the only beauty
I ever wanted to notice
Long ago you were
Just another dandelion in the breeze

But

Today she’s no longer who she used to be to me
Today my heart feels different
Today, I know that if I hadn’t been too blind
I’d have loved you all those times, long ago

Prometheus

Today, I woke up to the beaming light of the rising sun. On high altitudes like this, morning skies are usually clouded by thick sheets of heavy cotton carrying either rain or snow. That allows me to sleep through most of the morning and wake up at around high noon. I’ve had a few times when the sun woke me up, but today was different. Today was probably the earliest I’ve woken up. I saw the radiant fire breaking through the black-turned-purple curtain above me. I saw birds flying ahead, when my instincts suddenly warned me. But they flew past and I was relieved. I saw the morning star slowly fading from the beauty it was in the dark. I heard chirps and howls and animal sounds that I never paid attention to before. I felt the cool breeze of the everlasting winter here in the peak of the mountains. But then I suddenly felt the cold touch of steel that bound my hands and feet, and my morning was less perfect. My morning was normal again.

When you’re shackled to the top of the world, there’s really nothing much to do. All you can do is wonder, and think, and sometimes plan on how to escape, but it doesn’t really matter. All you can do, which is all I’ve doing, is wait. Wait for the end to come, and wait to be woken up again. This is my life. On and on and on for so long, that I lost track of the days and months and years and decades. This is a place on earth where time means nothing. Time up here is probably what atheists call “God” down there. Well, at least your atheists have believers to argue with. Here in my place, I’m all alone.

But that’s not the worst part of my day. The worst part is when the bird comes and perches beside me, sometimes even on top of me, and slices my flesh with its rude razor-sharp talons. When the bird comes, it’s all over for me. The horrible pest would come down from the clouds and tear at my abdomen. I tell you it’s not so easy to think of other things when a giant feathered beast is chewing on your liver. There’s always the pain. The blood. The uncontrollable tears. The gnashing of teeth. It’s all so bad. Just imagine that happened to you. Now imagine it happened to me, only an infinite times worse. The first day this happened, it was a nightmare I just couldn’t wake out of. It was the worst day of my life. Then eventually, I got used to it. But no matter how long I’ve been suffering from this nasty birdy, nothing can really keep the pain away. I used to think that I’d slowly become numb to it, but no. Two thousand years of getting my liver eaten and nothing’s changed. Every day I just die bloody and liverless and everyday my liver just grows back and I wake. And my flesh is good as new, and my liver is intact, and I’m alive again. Then after a while the bird comes. Then… Well you know. Shit happens. Forever.

This curse I call life, I didn’t ask for any this. I mean, obviously only a jackass without his nutshell would probably want something like this for a life. But I can’t say I had no part in all this. And just in case you haven’t heard about it, I was actually the one who gave fire to mankind. I was the one who stole fire from Olympia and brought it down to earth. In an egocentric sense, you could say I’m the reason why millions of you are alive and well and happy and don’t even have to live in the dark anymore. You can thank me, or condemn me, I wouldn’t mind at all. I did what I did because I wanted to help. I didn’t want to look like a hero or anything. I just thought, “Hey these people are living in pitch black at night that they don’t even know what whacko eats their children while they sleep. The gods aren’t doing anything, but I can.” Stealing, or let’s say borrowing the fire was no effort. But the moment the big guy saw his people in the warmth of a burning bush, and thunders chased me until I was cornered, I knew I was a dead man. So the heavens sentenced me to an eternity of living and dying everyday for the rest of my life (which is forever) to relive the pain which is supposed to remind me of my gravest mistake against the gods. Honestly, I’ve learned not to regret it, but some part of me wishes that eventually Zeus would come around and understand what I did and release me from my perdition.

Why am I telling you this? Because I want to point out to you that there are people like me. There are people who would want the common good for everyone, and suffer consequences alone. There are people who took risks to make life better for everyone but them. And these people, they don’t even ask for credit. Instead they are being judged and condemned and criticized. “That guy is bad”, “He disobeyed the law”, “He broke very important rules”. Yeah some of us do that. And for what? For you. For all of you. Sometimes even for people we hate. And we accept the consequences. We accept the pain and suffering. We know we don’t deserve it. But we accept it. So hear me out.

The next time something good comes to your life, don’t question it. Don’t doubt about it. Just be grateful. Think about all the trouble someone must have gone through for you to be happy, even for just a little while. Think about who had to pay the price, who had to lose something. Just for you. Think about someone who might have had to give his liver up for eternity just to keep your home fires burning.

The next time something good comes, be grateful, happy and be content.

10000steps:

2014 Goal
“Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.
Write a good one.”
- 2014 (via themercifulservant)
Maybe 18-year old boys have feelings, too.